I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
