I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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