her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
