I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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