I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
