is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
now i know why i became what i already was.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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