Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
