It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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