did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
