we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
