last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
