Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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