he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
