I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
