You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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