So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
