You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Randomize