She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
