his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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