If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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