Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
BRING THE BAGELS
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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