Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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