We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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