Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
bring money and cleavage
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
