First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
