Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
