I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
