Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
