I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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