For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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