Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
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Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
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How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize