how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
