I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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