you traded sex for a burrito?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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