afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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