I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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