remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
