She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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