final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
