Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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