Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
There's even glitter on my cock...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
