so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
