she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Someone shattered a urinal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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