and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
