so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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