Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
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