Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
