gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize