I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
