Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
soo... how was my night?
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