he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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