I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
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Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
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I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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