What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
