I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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