he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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