Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
