Umm I'm too high to move.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
