Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
