I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
