stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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