It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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