Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
