Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
