she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
