He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
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I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
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Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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