Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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