Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
