Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
