Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
