So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize